"Reality is not as frightening as the monsters your mind creates."

David Burns

Cognitive Behavioural Therapist

Separate Fact From Feeling

posted in Health

Contents

When debriefing post success or failure, are you separating your feelings from facts?

One of the biggest mistakes we can make while reflecting upon past events is to justify our feelings with emotional reasoning.

Just because you feel something, does not make it true. Or, just because something is true, doesn’t mean that your feelings will always align to support the facts.

An effective debrief will separate the facts of a situation from the feelings of a situation. Making sure that both facts and feelings are expressed and acknowledged helps us to debrief accurately from success or failure, and move forward productively to tackle the next project.  Both feelings and facts are important, but they are often intertwined and leave us confused and vulnerable to misunderstandings and repeat mistakes if not separated.

Your emotions are a powerful guide, but they are not to be trusted 100% of the time. Do not try to reason with your emotions. Use your brain to find a reason based in fact. Use your emotions to guide your search.

Remember the dangerous cognitive distortion – emotional reasoning.

Are you expressing your feelings and the facts separately and effectively?

Cognitive Distortions Are Sabotaging Your Success—Here’s How to Fix Them

One of my coaching clients—a senior project manager in the construction industry—was struggling with this exact issue. Every project delay felt like a catastrophe. Every critical email from leadership felt like a personal attack. If a site inspection didn’t go perfectly, he saw it as proof that he was failing.

This is cognitive distortion in action—mental traps that warp our perception of reality. Through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques, we uncovered three key distortions holding him back:

  1. Catastrophizing – "If we miss this deadline, I’ll lose my job."
  2. Personalization – "The CEO’s email was probably aimed at me."
  3. Black-and-White Thinking – "Either I’m a success or a total failure."

Once he learned to challenge his automatic thoughts and separate facts from feelings, his perspective shifted:

  • "A missed deadline isn’t ideal, but we have contingency plans."
  • "The CEO sends that email to everyone, not just me."
  • "This project is tough, but setbacks don’t define my abilities."

The result? Less stress, more confidence, and better decision-making. Instead of spiraling over worst-case scenarios, he focused on problem-solving.

Just like in rowing, where each stroke must be precise and coordinated, thinking patterns must also be intentional. If your thoughts pull in different directions, your progress slows, and your effort is wasted.

Cognitive distortions cloud judgment, fuel anxiety, and drain energy. Recognizing them is the first step toward clearer thinking and better leadership.

Where do you see cognitive distortions showing up in your life?

15 Cognitive Distortions (And How They Sabotage Your Thinking)

Cognitive distortions are mental traps that distort reality, fuel stress, and cloud judgment. Here’s a breakdown of the most common ones, with real-world examples.

  1. All-or-Nothing Thinking – "If I don’t get this promotion, I’m a total failure."
  2. Overgeneralization – "I got one bad review; I must be terrible at my job."
  3. Mental Filtering – "My team praised my work, but one person had feedback, so I must have done poorly."
  4. Disqualifying the Positive – "Sure, I met the deadline, but that was just luck."
  5. Jumping to Conclusions (Mind Reading) – "My boss didn’t say good morning—he must be mad at me."
  6. Jumping to Conclusions (Fortune Telling) – "This project is going to fail. I just know it."
  7. Magnification (Catastrophizing) – "If I mess up this presentation, my whole career is over."
  8. Minimization – "Winning that contract wasn’t a big deal—anyone could have done it."
  9. Emotional Reasoning – "I feel incompetent, so I must be incompetent."
  10. Should Statements – "I should always be productive, or I’m wasting time."
  11. Labeling – "I made a mistake, so I’m an idiot."
  12. Personalization – "The client was unhappy. That must be my fault."
  13. Blaming – "My team keeps missing deadlines—if they were better employees, we wouldn’t have problems."
  14. Fallacy of Fairness – "It’s not fair that I work harder than others and don’t get recognized."
  15. Control Fallacy – "Everything is my responsibility" or "I have no control over anything in my life."

Recognizing these patterns is the first step to breaking free from them. Where do you see these distortions creeping into your thinking?

You can control how you react to your feelings.  Read more about focusing on what you can control.

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Kreek is a Management Consultant, Executive Coach and Keynote Speaker who lives in the Pacific Northwest. 

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Adam Kreek is on a mission to positively impact organizational cultures and leaders who make things happen.

Kreek is an Executive Business Coach who lives in Victoria, BC, near Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, and Seattle, Washington, USA, in the Pacific Northwest. He works with clients globally, often travelling to California in the San Francisco Bay Area, Atlanta, Georgia, Toronto, Ontario and Montreal, Quebec. He is an Olympic Gold Medalist, a storied adventurer and a father.

He authored the bestselling business book, The Responsibility Ethic: 12 Strategies Exceptional People Use to Do the Work and Make Success Happen. 

Discover our thoughts on Values here.

Want to increase your leadership achievement? Learn more about Kreek’s coaching here.

Want to book a keynote that leaves a lasting impact? Learn more about Kreek’s live event service here.

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